I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
