Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
