I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
