I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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