I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
