I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
