I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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