I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
