He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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