do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I AM VODKA MAN
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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