I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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