Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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