At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
