I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
