I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
