The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
