Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
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