I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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