everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
