so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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