this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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