I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
