Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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