oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
