dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
