I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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