I wish I could teleport
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
