Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
