I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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