Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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