Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
