they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
