You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
