Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
