Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
