Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
