I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
