I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i think my cat just said my name.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
