If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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