I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
