She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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