i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
