I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
