Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
