i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
