i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
