fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
