it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
