I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
