girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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