Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
