he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
